Billy Connolly's 40 best jokes and one liners as Big Yin turns 78 today

The star confirmed that he would be back on stage by this evening. He took to his Instagram stories in view of his 2.5 million followers to explain that he will be back shortly. He said that he has decided to put a “positive spin” on the incident and not let it hold him back.The actor then joked that “you’re supposed to do the full show and not just three-quarters of it".Taron said: "I've decided to put a positive spin on it and I would appreciate it if anyone who was in the theatre last night just said that I gave such a committed, electrifying performance that my body couldn't handle it and check out."That being said, apparently you're meant to actually do the full show and not just three quarters of it. “So I'll be back with a vengeance tomorrow night.”He then went on to thank his team and co-stars for “being so lovely".He specifically thanked Joel Harper-Jackson for doing the job of replacing him. He commended him as an actor and as a person. Taron added: "Thank you to the amazing team at the theatre and my wonderful cast mates for being so lovely."But mainly I wanted to say thanks to Joel Harper Jackson who stepped in to do the last bit of the play."Joel is an amazing actor and a lovely person.Thank you, Joel.”The stage play’s production team released a statement on Saturday night following the actor’s collapse. "During this evening’s first preview of Mike Bartlett’s play Cock at the Ambassadors Theatre, Taron Egerton fainted towards the end of the performance."A doctor who was in the audience attended to Taron immediately after the incident.“Whilst he felt fine, it was decided that Taron’s understudy, Joel Harper-Jackson, would continue in the role to complete the performance."

Gary Neville blasted Manchester United's dire possession stats from their defeat against Manchester City in the early hours of Monday morning - before slamming recent leadership off the pitch.The eight-time Premier League-winning former defender was uncompromising in his criticism of his former side on Sunday (March 6) during and after their 4-1 defeat.The following morning, Neville had another look at the fixture and in particular the statistic that showed United having just 8 per cent of the ball for a 15-minute second-half period.Not only calling out the players, the former England international took aim at co-chairmen Joel and Avram Glazer as well as former executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward.Alongside a grab of the possession stat, Neville wrote: "Still can’t get my head around that!"However City aren’t just better on the pitch. "A new dawn for United with Richard Arnold as CEO and a new manager incoming but yesterday was a fitting memorial to the “Ed Woodward/Glazer“ last 10 years of mismanagement."City had ripped their local rivals to shreds in a hugely one-sided second half at the Etihad on Sunday, with Riyad Mahrez adding two goals to Kevin De Bruyne's first-half brace which came either side of Jadon Sancho's equaliser.Who will manage Manchester United next season? Give us your thoughts in the comments sectionNeville had said on Sky Sports: "Manchester United's response to going 3-1 down has been embarrassing.

TV channels and streaming services to broadcast harrowing footage from the war in Ukraine.The hackers previously declared a "cyber war" against Vladimir Putin's country when his forces first crossed the Ukrainian border. Taking to Twitter yesterday evening they posted footage of the alleged attack on Russian TV, alongside a caption which read: "The hacking collective #Anonymous today hacked into the Russian streaming services Wink and Ivi (like Netflix) and live TV channels Russia 24, Channel One, Moscow 24 to broadcast war footage from #Ukraine.

Ukraine and Russia war continues to escalate. President Vladimir Putin's invasion of the country has caused huge hikes to fuel prices.Now motoring experts have revealed a number of money-saving tips to help you spend less on fuel in the UK. Richard Williams, Head of Transport Policy at the Consumer Council, said the international crude oil costs have almost doubled.

WhatsApp—or they could face consequences.Deutsche Bank, which has offices and staff in the UK, sent a memo to staff early this year telling them that deleting any messages related to the business through private channels like WhatsApp could be a crime under US law. It also warned that sending messages about work on private phones is a violation of company rules, meaning you could get the sack for even complaining about your boss to a friend.The clampdown on employee communications came in February after Wall Street rival JPMorgan Chase & Co was fined $200 million (£152 million) for failing to comply with rules that require lenders to keep records of staff messages.Although your employer doesn't legally have the right to seize your private phone, failing to cooperate could land you in hot water if you work at one of the affected firms as bosses look to cover themselves and their companies from legal trouble.

Manchester United might have to contend with an unhappy Marcus Rashford this summer, who is looking to leave.The England international is said to be considering his options ahead of the transfer window and has grown concerned with life under Ralf Rangnick.Though the German coach will leave his interim role as manager at Old Trafford at the end of the season, the Guardian report that Rashford has fallen down the pecking order.Anthony Elanga is now a preferred option to the 24-year-old, while Jadon Sancho now comfortably owns a spot in the starting XI.But where could Rashford end up in the summer if he does leave United?Perhaps the most favourable destination for Rashford would be Arsenal, a club that appear to be on the up under Mikel Arteta and are desperate for a striker.The Gunners have been in fine form in recent weeks and are the most likely to finish in the top four from the rest of the teams below Manchester City, Liverpool and Chelsea.Arteta has made signing a forward a priority in the summer, though Rashford is seen more of a winger these days, but Arsenal’s fluid frontline would be suitable for a player that likes to drift in from out wide.There is plenty of speculation that there could be some changes to Chelsea’s attack this summer with Timo Werner, Christian Pulisic and Romelu Lukaku all linked with moves away.The Blues are blessed with plenty of striking options but could see Rashford as an ideal replacement for anyone that is thinking of leaving Stamford Bridge.However, whether Thomas Tuchel can promise the United ace the game-time he would demand is another matter with the German fond of rotating his options.Want to be on the ball with all of the latest football news?Well then sign up for the brilliant

Tyson Fury has outlined his plans to hang up his gloves following his upcoming bout against Dillian Whyte, despite the likelihood of a unification bout. The 33-year-old stated last week that he will bring an end to his illustrious career after his clash against his fellow Brit at Wembley on April 23rd.

EastEnders legend Martine McCutcheon has stunned fans one again with a super stylish ensemble shared on her Instagram account.The 45-year-old, who recently wowed with her amazing eyebrow transformation after undergoing a microblading treatment, posed in the perfect transitional outfit. whilst “springing a quick photoshoot." The actress, who is best-known for her portrayal of Tiffany Mitchell in EastEnders, was complimented for her “absolutely beautiful” outfit which was head-to-toe high street – apart from her designer Saint Laurent black crossbody bag.

Thomas Partey has urged Bukayo Saka to stay at Arsenal and fulfil his dreams.Saka gave a man of the match display in Sunday's 3-2 win at Watford to put the Gunners one step closer to a top-four finish.And with Arsenal set to offer the 20-year-old a new contract this summer, midfielder Partey insists it's vital he sticks around.Partey said: "We all know what he is doing. He is one of the best young players in the world now."I think he is doing a great job.

pub.And now, due to his love of the boozer, he's living in its garden – just a short trot to the Guinness tap on the bar.Born on St Patrick's Day – hence the name – he was often seen by the side of owner Kirk Petrakis.Patrick and the other horses who pull the famous Cockington carriages recently had to leave their home at stables in the village.Stepping in to provide a new home, Drum Inn landlord Matthew McKinley-Booton said they have built Patrick an enclosure in the pub garden.The pony will now spend his life as a fully-trained therapy pony - having previously been a part of a team of ponies who took tourists around the town on carriages as part of a popular tourist attraction during the summer.Patrick is now the official mascot for Devon Recovery Learning Community and to the War Horse Memorial.Kirk said: "At the pub, he likes a sip of Guinness and he has a carrot - that's it."It's a special treat for him. We decided on Guinness as he was born on St Patrick's Day."It also has some nutritional value for him.

Caprice Bourret has taken a stand against Russia's president Vladimir Putin as she posed fully naked on Instagram, with an anti-war sign painted on her body.The former model has never been camera-shy and she flexed her modelling skills in her latest post as she shared an important message to her fans.The 50 year old got fans talking with her post, which included six snaps of her posing completely naked on her Instagram account.In the first shot, the American businesswoman could be seen posing with her back to the camera, holding her middle fingers up - as a message to the brutal Russian President.

Shane Warne felt "betrayed" over his threesome with two models and a blow-up sex toy after pictures of the incident were published.The legendary spin bowler had an infamous night of passion with Coralie Eichholtz and Emma Kearney at the latter's London apartment back in 2006.Pictures of Warne having sex with the two women and him wearing Playboy underwear were later published, leaving the Australian cricketer feeling betrayed.Warne tragically passed away at the age of 52 in Thailand on Friday, having suffered a suspected heart attack, with Thai police having since confirmed he had died of natural causes.The former Hampshire captain recalled his infamous threesome in his 2018 autobiography No Spin.Warne had been playing a county cricket match for Hampshire before receiving a text from Eichholtz which read: "You should be here with me."The message was accompanied by a picture of her and Kearney kissing.“They were in London, I was in Southampton. I texted back, saying I'd be there in an hour," recalled Warne.The then 36-year-old Warne bought three bottles of alcohol and drove up to Kearney's apartment in Knightsbridge to meet the women.What is the craziest sporting sex story you've heard? Let us know in the comments section below.Want to be on the ball with all of the latest football news?Well then sign up for the brilliant Daily Star football email newsletter!From the latest transfer news to the agenda-setting stories, get it all in your email inbox - don't miss a thing.It only takes a matter of seconds.Simply type your email address into the box at the top of this article and hit 'subscribe'.And that's it, job done.

Holly Willoughby broke down in tears during the latest edition of This Morning as she watched a clip of a Ukrainian girl belting out Let It Go from Disney's Frozen.The video of the little girl's moving rendition of the hit song was recorded while she hunkered down in a bomb shelter in Kyiv and has gone viral as Ukrainian forces continue to fight off a Russian invasion.Footage of the girl, named Amelia, singing at the shelter was first posted on Facebook by Marta Smekhova, who says she filmed it with permission from the girl's mother.Holly and co-host Phillip Schofield watched the video live on air during Monday's edition of the ITV daytime show.The mother of three became overcome with emotion and began to shed a tear.This Morning contributor and royal editor Camila Tominey also cried while discussing the moving video.Fans watching at home were also left emotional after watching the video.Taking to Twitter, one fan penned: "Holly, I don’t think there’s any words to describe what’s going on in this world right now. Heartbreaking."Another added: "I was bought to tears along with Philip and Holly there watching that beautiful child sing Let It Go while sheltering from the Russian bombing.

Coronation Street fans were left in shock on Sunday (March 6) as Abi Webster went into labour - without even knowing she was pregnant.The mum-of-three feared she could be pregnant last year after an affair with Imran Habeeb - but later dismissed her concerns as she knew what being pregnant felt like.However, she didn't actually take a pregnancy test.And now it looks like Abi could be plunged into a custody battle after losing both her twins to social services, before they moved abroad to Australia.With her other son Seb's death wreaking havoc on Abi's life and her marriage to Kevin near destruction, it's no surprise she'd be tempted to turn back to drugs - and lawyer Imran, tasked to help her out with the case, knows that.And now actress Sally Carman has confirmed to Daily Star and other press that it's "highly unlikely" Abi will get to keep custody of her new baby - named Alfie after Seb's favourite teddy bear. Opening up about the coming storyline, Sally confirmed that Abi does a runner from the hospital and heads back to Weatherfield to "pretend like nothing ever happened".She revealed: "I think [Abi runs] for the same reasons she gave up the twins, because she doesn’t believe she can look after [baby Alfie] properly.

Cold War era is up for sale in the US, with offers starting at £266,000.The house was built in 1957 and is in Minnetonka, a suburban city in Hennepin County, Minnesota, United States, about nine miles west of Minneapolis.The listing for the property online, in a lovely tree-lined neighbourhood, says: "Some era surprises are very interesting!"That comment no doubt refers to the solar-powered greenhouse, hidden bomb shelter, and ham radio setup, especially prevalent as fears escalate over a new nuclear war after Russia invaded Ukraine. One online real estate marketplace that has the home listed, Zillow, said that they expect the home to sell quicker than 99 % of nearby properties.

EMILY Atack looked amazing as she posted a snap to wish her cousin Molly Robbins happy birthday. The 32-year-old stunned in the photo with Molly, who stars in Netflix series Extreme Cake Makers.

Naman Ramachandran As the invasion of Ukraine continues, seven leading Ukrainian filmmakers allege complicity by the Russian artistic community. They are now calling for cultural sanctions against Russia.Valentyn Vasyanovych, director (“Black Level,” “Atlantis,” “Reflection”)Insidious shelling of residential areas with civilians, as well as blackmail of nuclear weapons – is a manifestation of the powerless rage of the fascist regime of Russia and the lack of chances to defeat the Ukrainian army and people in a direct military confrontation.The whole bloody history of Russia, as imperial, Soviet, and post-Soviet, is based on the bloodthirsty attitude towards its neighbors and its people, who have never been united ethnically or culturally.

Nick Vivarelli International CorrespondentLondon-based Beyond Rights has scored sales to Italian broadcasters on more than 500 hours of TV content, including topical doc “The Prince and the Paedophile.”The BriteSpark Films investigation into the friendship between Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein, which is also said to uncover new details on Epstein’s other British connection –– including to Ghislaine Maxwell –– has been acquired by linear broadcaster La7, which is the flagship station of the country’s third generalist TV group in terms of ratings.Comcast-owned pay TV Sky Italia re-upped their licensing deal on lifestyle show “Love It Or List It,” acquiring 290 new hours of the franchise, including four seasons from the original series and seasons from “Love It Or List It: Vancouver”; “Love It Or List It: Quebec” and “Love It Or List It: Australia.”   Discovery Italy purchased a 103-hour, multi-genre package comprising true crime titles such as “Fatal Vows,” and “Deadly Women,” plus “Massive Engineering Mistakes,” and auto show “Flipping Bangers.” AETN Italy picked up the latest two seasons of “Forbidden History” and the show’s new upcoming two instalments, one of which examines war propaganda methods used in Nazi Germany.Finally, GotGame, a new digital channel dedicated to the gaming world, bought 105 hours of science and tech programming from Beyond Rights comprising the shows “Myth or Science,” “How Hacks Work,” and “Superhuman Science.”“We are delighted that our extensive factual catalogue can meet the needs of so many key broadcasters at the same time in such an important territory as Italy.” said Sarah Bickley, Beyond Rights’ SVP sales for Italy, in a statement. 

Patrick Frater Asia Bureau ChiefAustralia-set, Jamie Dornan-starring thriller series “The Tourist” has been widely licensed for broadcast in Europe and Asia. Dornan stars as a man who, after an epic car chase in the outback, wakes in hospital with no idea of who he is. He is forced on a brutal, and often funny journey of self-discovery, while trying to stay one step ahead of the people trying to kill him.With All3Media International handling rights sales, the show has been licensed to NPO for The Netherlands, VRT for Belgium, RTE for Ireland, Cosmote for Greece, and France Télévisions (for its France 3 channel).

Christopher Vourlias A fortnight ago, documentary filmmaker Vera Krichevskaya was anticipating the Russia release of her latest feature, “F@ck This Job,” a spirited, behind-the-scenes portrait of the country’s last independent broadcaster, TV Rain. But just days before the film’s Moscow premiere, Russian military forces invaded Ukraine.

K.J. Yossman “Line of Duty” star Martin Compston is set to lead a new factual series set in his native Scotland.