She’s going to die. You’re going to lose her. When you least expect it, you will look away, you won’t be paying attention, and something will happen.
She’ll be gone, and it will be your fault.Thoughts like these played in my head on a near-constant loop starting when my daughter was about five months old.
Or, at least, that’s when the thoughts had become so pervasive and ever present that I finally noticed them. . Thanks to my history of premenstrual dysphoric disorder, a severe form of PMS I’d been diagnosed with at 15 (which is an early indicator of PPD later in life), I’d been waiting for it all along.
And yet I was still shocked when it happened. Because the way it felt wasn’t at all how I expected it would feel.Everything I knew about postpartum depression had come from the movie For Keeps starring Molly Ringwald.
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