I’m 31 so let me start with a disclaimer that I am above the age cap for entering Love Island. Considering Laura Anderson was brutally labelled ‘Old Laura’ when she joined the cast at the youthful age of 29, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never have my moment to strut into the villa as an elusive, but eventually quite likeable, bombshell.
Age aside, I also don’t look like a Love Islander. Yes, ITV has welcomed more inclusive and more ‘relatable’ cast members in some of the recent series, but I think you just have it or you don’t have it.
It being a look made for 9pm prime-time TV, it being a flawless contour and it being the confidence to wear micro booty shorts with an audience of 1.3 million scrutinising your every pore and flaw in HD.
Me? I’m made for bed at 9pm, and the last time I attempted to wear short shorts was when I was on an Ibiza holiday in 2012. One look at the trip photos was enough to make me permanently put those hot pants into retirement.
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