Oliver Dowden Britain rap art jazz Oliver Dowden Britain

Please could we have a cultured culture secretary?

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Times as the “world’s greatest living standup comedian”; I have rapped in 10th-century Old English on a No 1 single; I won Celebrity Mastermind answering questions on the guitarist and improviser Derek Bailey; and a film I authored was recently declared by a government body to have passed the “cultural test of being British” with full marks!

So you must listen to me when I ask if Oliver Dowden is suitable for the role he has been decanted into, safeguarding the nation’s cultural heart at the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport.

A chittering monkey could pour some orange sick into a jelly mould, but that does not make it a jelly. It makes it some orange sick that a chittering monkey has poured into a jelly mould.

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