— B, via emailI am completely in your corner. Your sister has absolutely no right to ignore and countermand your late mother’s wishes for her own memorial service.
It just isn’t done. Look at Queen Elizabeth II’s carefully planned ceremonies following her death. They were followed to the letter.
It would have been profoundly disrespectful to ignore them. I agree with your wife to this extent: you should offer your sister another chance to draw up the order of service, on the clear understanding that it must follow your mother’s wishes.
If she doesn’t have the wit or sensitivity to do that, then yes, you should reassert control and handle the matter yourself.
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